There is a theory that the meerkat, an African animal, lives in a community of its fellow species and practices pure altruism. Scientists who did a study of their feeding habits found that when others in the community are foraging or eating, one of them usually stands guard to watch out for predators. The researchers noted that such altruistic behavior is rare in the animal kingdom. Being small in size, meerkats are susceptible to predation; they are preyed upon by larger animals that eat them for food. If the sentinel meerkat detects or sees an advancing predator, it gives an alarm call for others to run to safety. Whether by design or accident, the whistleblower is easily exposed to attack and easily taken advantage of. Other members of the group usually escape without being injured.

Human beings also practice altruism. We have heard of people who, at one time or another, have done selfless acts. Examples abound of people with more than enough resources donating to others who don’t have enough. There are also several extreme cases in which a human being donates a part or an organ to another person who urgently needs it. Pints ​​of blood, kidneys, livers, to name a few, have been and continue to be donated without reward, all over the world.

However, the most recent studies of meerkats have also revealed some more interesting things about them. Scientists found that meerkats that stand guard to warn others of impending danger are often full before they take on that duty. I would have eaten to satisfaction. Not only that, the sentinel meerkat usually stands very close to a nearest burrow. Once the alarm call is made, he is instantly immersed in it. The truth is that the sentinel meerkat is the first to escape from any form of attack and danger.

So whatever the intentions, most altruistic acts may not be entirely selfless. If the animal had been disinterested, it would not have eaten before being a guide. Even human beings who donate to others are appreciated and often rewarded when they receive gifts, prizes, or cash for their deeds. They receive compliments and their self-esteem improves. A feeling of self-importance surrounds them, as a result their ego can swell.

Are you taking your good deeds beyond comfortable levels? Are you pleasing others to your detriment? Isn’t your attitude too oriented to make peace with others when you know you are in danger? People who are too selfless are often so because they want to please other people. They are afraid of being rejected! The need to be accepted, generally and individually by each person, drives the person who wants to please everyone. Try to be in the center of things, without ever taking sides. The goal is to elicit positive feelings about yourself from people.

They feel or imagine themselves as good people who are inclined to make humanity happy and harmonious. Whether that is feasible is another controversial issue. They are the “Yes men”, who never want to fight with others. The extension of kindness to others is almost limitless. They do it on their own.

WHAT IS EARNED?

There are good reasons to be good. Altruism is, bluntly, for the benefit of humanity. Disinterest cannot be underestimated, in any case, as a waste of resources. However, what is not good is trying to please others to the detriment of oneself. It usually requires questions about what is actually gained on the spot. What gains a person who strives to please another? The answer is usually categorically “nothing”. For example, if you’re the bright type in a class, who likes to help others with one academic problem or another, experience has taught us that you may not get the kind of grade that those you help get.

That is one of many possible situations. Strange stories of family betrayal, abandonment and outright denial abound in this part of the world. Interestingly, many of the tragic narratives begin with a person who is generous and altruistic towards her siblings and relatives. At a later period, when he or his descendants need help, they usually do not find anyone.

Dare complained bitterly about the financial difficulties he was experiencing at school with his roommate, Jide. When Jide asked her if she had aunts and uncles she could turn to for financial help, her response was heartwarming.

Dare’s father was a very rich man. He was very generous and benevolent. According to him, his father helped many of his relatives by financing and sponsoring their manual training and even education at the university level. His relatives would approach him at any moment in search of money; he would be willing to dole out cash for weddings, naming ceremonies, and any other events. Dare said that when he was a child, he once asked his father why he was doing all this. The father responded by saying that he was doing all those things because he wanted his relatives to reciprocate his own children in the future.

Before leaving high school, his father died and to his astonishment, his relatives seized all his belongings, leaving them with nothing. From that moment on, his mother began to find it extremely difficult to provide for the family. She stated that she stopped going to her father’s relatives when she realized that none of them were willing to provide any kind of support.

Could Dare’s father have exaggerated his disinterest? It was more obvious that he not only overdid it, but also completely failed to prepare for all eventualities. He had let his selflessness overshadow his sense of reasoning. With all his selflessness, his children suffered so much that they regretted his father’s good character.

ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER?

It doesn’t matter if this is a question. But you’d have to go through this list to see for yourself. You:

• Say yes, regardless of the circumstances, even when no sounds in your mind;
• You feel devastated when you feel that someone loves you;
• Prefers to feel pain before displeasing anyone;
• Get sad when a misunderstanding or disagreement starts;
• Choosing to fail to please someone else;
• Following the crowd at the expense of your personal uniqueness;
• Speak for others at your own personal risk;
• Losing sleep over minor disagreements;
• Feeling upset by any disagreement with whatever you are doing;
• Consider pleasing others as an integral part of yourself.

NOW YOU CAN EXIT

1. STOP THIS UNWANTED FEAR: You must understand that people pleasing is a form of phobia. Stop this phobia from within by finding, perhaps, another one to replace it. Think of something else about the positive aspect of life. Should you please everyone?

2. REFUSE, FOR ONCE: Have you ever thought about saying “no” to a request? You better start learning how to do it. There must be a line between saying “yes” and knowing what “yes” is. You must be able to determine what you want as different from what others need. Not all requests need to be honored. Train yourself to decline. Stop being a “yes man”!

3. YOU CAN NEVER CONTROL EVERYTHING: This could be a Jack of all trades phenomenon, but master of the known. Thinking you can control everything is a paranoid mindset. You want to control what others think of you. You want people to like you You want to be seen by everyone as good. You want it all! Keep in mind that not all of these are valid needs for you. They are just excesses. Be realistic and modest in your desires.

4. YOUR PEACE OF MIND IS PRIMARY: You had been taking risks for so long. You lost sleep over times without number. Now she is talking about her health. This must not continue like this. If the unexpected happens, no one will take their responsibilities. Dare’s case, above, says it all. Doing too much for others will take away more of your emotional strength and affect your peace of mind. Just be careful with this.

5. CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE: There is a way out of this strange mess. Change your mindset from pleasing people to actually helping them. There is a space of difference between these two. The first is negative, but the second is very positive. When you help people you will not be expecting rewards or favors. If there is any remuneration, it will not be subject to evaluation that could generate discontent. When you are willing to please, once you get less than you dream of, it will be dangerous.

6. BE PROACTIVE: Try to make things happen without waiting for others. Don’t let people dictate to you, so they can put you in their good books. In a society like ours, where “face-to-face service” is a tradition, attracting the attention of people, especially superiors, by acting well in their presence, is a norm. The drawback to this is that when it goes unnoticed, emotional stress can set in. But doing things, off the cuff, can free you from unwanted emotions.