Now that nuclear proliferation has once again infiltrated our lives, it reminds us of the 1950s, when we were taught in grade school to duck under our desks and cover our heads in the event of a nuclear attack. Bert the turtle assured us that this would protect us from Armageddon and in the event of a nuclear explosion we would live to tell about it. Hard to believe, but that was the curriculum back then. Just click the link below to watch Duck and Cover’s riveting 1951 production.

Obviously, we now know that the only real protection against radiation (and I think against kryptonite as well) is lead. So I decided to use a crowdfunder like Kickstarter to build a leading countertop business. When the bombs start to drop, just empty your closets and hop on. You will be safe and sound when all your neighbors are fried.

It’s not that scandalous. In the 1880s and 1890s, zinc was all the rage on countertops. I visited the mansions in Newport last fall (and by examining the kitchens in each one I was able to call it a business expense). Every palatial home had a zinc countertop in the kitchen. But over time zinc lost ground to stainless steel; stainless to granite; and now the quartz composite is all the rage. Concrete rears its ugly head from time to time, but who wants to prepare food on a sidewalk?

Each material has its own benefits but quartz is the zinc of the 21st century. Sold under the trade names Cambria, Viatera, Caesarstone, etc., quartz is the second most abundant mineral on earth and is a basic component of granite. In a typical quartz countertop, raw quartz is crushed and combined with pigments to give it color and resins (sticky stuff) to hold it together. The resulting process creates one of the most durable counter surfaces on the market today. It is harder than granite, more scratch resistant and non-porous. For geologists following K&B Insider, quartz ranks #7 on the Mohs hardness scale (whatever that is) with only diamonds, sapphires, and topazes harder. But it still doesn’t block radiation as well as lead.

The fact that quartz countertops are non-porous makes them considerably more resistant to stains than granite and safer in terms of bacteria growth. They require very little care, and perhaps that is why they are so popular today.

But don’t rule out granite just yet. Considered by many to be the most beautiful surface available, granite has movement! Movement is the suggestion of movement in the elements that make up the finished surface. The swirls and patterns created by nature cannot be fully duplicated in engineered stone, however some of the newer quartz compounds come close to this attribute. If you are a little careful with your granite, you can avoid stains and scratches. Granite must be sealed when it is installed and at least once a year afterward.

The cost of the average granite slab is fairly stable; However, granite prices depend on the rarity of color and hardness of the stone, and as quartz becomes more popular, its price increases.

If you’re not ready to duck and take cover under the protection of your new lead countertop, and you’re not worried about outlasting your neighbors, quartz and granite are probably the way to go. Take your time when making your choice and examine all the available options, selecting the one that best suits your lifestyle and the current political climate. This has been a public service message.

Just click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKqXu-5jw60 to watch Get down and cover.