If you are a black woman who supports interracial dating or a black woman who has already entered into a loving interracial relationship, you may receive statements of concern from other black people, both strangers and close family members, who claim that interracial dating of black women they will destroy the black community. And for a moment you might doubt that that statement is false. It is important to realize in that moment that you have simply been conditioned to do so, because you are a woman and because you are black.

Women of all racial categories have been conditioned by male-dominated societies for centuries. If you stop and think about the expectations that society has placed on women, you will see that everything is to please and comfort the men in society, that is, to be a sexual object, to keep a clean house and to cook hot meals. Unfortunately, many black women obediently fall into their roles because they fear being alone if they don’t. Even the women in your life might encourage you to take on roles that serve black men better than you. Don’t listen to them. Those women have been conditioned. Black women who may tease or feel disgusted by another black woman who enjoys the love, commitment, and happiness of a man outside her race, are actually just going through the reasoning that the men in her community programmed into her. . For that reason, you should not feel anger towards her, but sympathy.

She has been programmed to think that only a black man could love her well, that only a black man would find her beautiful, that she should settle for a black man who does not meet her needs before accepting a man outside her race who would meet her needs, that Black Love is supposed to be hurtful, unsatisfying, abusive and demeaning at times, and that she needs to give herself to men who have no intention of reciprocating. Too many black men want you to pause and think about their happiness before yours. They want you to feel that interracial dating of black women will spell the demise of the entire black community. Why? It is because above all, above all your health and happiness, they want to have their freedom, and for this the women around them must assume all responsibilities, including the responsibility of keeping the black community together.

A selfish black man won’t have to do anything at all to earn sex, a clean house, and hot meals, if he can get you to narrow down your options to just them. So they can hold over your head that a good black man is hard to find. Therefore, you should be lucky enough to settle for the crumbs. They won’t need to respect you. They will not have to hold a job. They will not have to take care of their own children. They will not need to be true to you. In fact, they can date outside of their race and win. respect of other black men! They can make crime and the degradation of women the theme of every hip hop and R&B song and yet not be responsible for what you do to the black community. How liberating to be a self-centered black man when black women fall into the roles they have established. And how heartbreaking it is for those same selfish black men to see a black woman realizing that her options are broader and therefore better.

There is more to the definition of a man than being of the same race and having a penis. You need a man who loves you, wants to take care of you financially and emotionally and does so, and who does not consider not supporting his family as an option. It is simply silly to add to that definition “the color of their skin must match yours”.

Go out with whoever deserves your love. If that person is of a different race, don’t feel guilty about it.