Our communications and interactions with others can be undermined by both our verbal and non-verbal communications. The use of inappropriate language, for example, can send the message to the listener that you do not have a good command of the language and therefore weaken the message you are trying to send. This example is also valid in our use of body language.
Inappropriate body language has the potential to damage our communications, not to mention damage our image and reputation. Take, for example, the young man who, while talking to someone he has just met, has his hand constantly holding the crotch of his pants. This is not appropriate body language at all, especially if the young man is talking to a woman. In fact, it’s very disrespectful! This type of body language not only weakens the young person’s communication, but also destroys the image of him in the eyes of the other, thus ending the success of future interactions. Many young men today often walk around with their hands over their crotch area, especially in America’s larger cities, and then wonder why they can’t attract a good woman. Many women they would like to attract have zero tolerance for this behavior!
Even clasped hands or in pants pockets weaken our communication. Hands clasped tightly send the message that you are tense and nervous about something, whatever it is. If you are tense or nervous about something, then you are not fully invested in what the speaker is saying, or if you are the speaker, it sends the message that you are not sure what you are saying. In both cases it weakens conversation and interaction.
Keeping your hands in your pockets while interacting with someone conveys an evasive and distant attitude. Most people when interacting with another person want signals of conversational engagement. Not engaging with the interaction will weaken it and end it, possibly without you even being able to say a word. Also, a distant attitude demonstrates a lack of interest in the interaction. If you are not interested in what the other has to say, you certainly will not be interested in what they have to say.
By the way, keeping your hands in your pockets is generally a masculine behavior as very few, if any, women do it. In both the military and judicial systems, in most cultures, this body language is strictly prohibited and can sometimes have adverse consequences.
Fake body language can undermine a conversation just as easily as any of the above. Fake body movements send messages that you are artificial and unnatural, making you look like someone trying to be something other than yourself. This can undermine the interaction in the sense that if you come across as artificial then there is something false about you, which can lead to interpretations of your trust and trustworthiness. Some politicians receive body language training before making a presentation. Unfortunately, what sometimes happens is that instead of combining the training with their own natural body language, they apply all the training to the presentation as if it were their natural style. People want to interact with you, not someone else through you.
Discomforting body movements, such as tapping your toes, bouncing knees, or touching your face, are other ways to weaken your communications. Body language like this conveys that you’re nervous and impatient and don’t care about the details. Nervous energy, when not kept in check, will undermine almost any conversation. Nervous tics will distract your listener, and so if they are focusing on that behavior, they are likely to miss your message entirely.