Communication, which occupies approximately 70% of our waking hours, is what many leaders find most frustrating. The fact is that most of us were never taught how to communicate in a way that produces the desired results, so we continue to experience frustration, resistance, conflict, or crisis. Think of a recent important conversation. How many of these questions can you answer YES to?

1. Did I take full responsibility for the message the other person heard? (Remember, it doesn’t matter what you say, it only matters what the other person hears.)
2. Did I respect the other person’s point of view? (Did I have a reaction to what they were saying that prevented me from hearing her full message?)
3. Did the other person feel heard and understood? (Did I recognize them?)
4. If I was asking someone to take a specific action, did I make my request clear?
5. Was he speaking in a way that the other person can understand? (Speaking in her communication style).
6. Was I communicating openly, without bias, expectations, and judgment? (Was he focused on having to be right or hearing her point of view?)
7. Did the other person leave the conversation feeling good, with some value?
8. Did I leave the conversation feeling good, with some value?
9. Did I follow up to see if the conversation was successful? Did it lead to the desired results?
10. If the outcome of the conversation did not meet my expectations, did I learn what I could do better to better communicate with that particular person?

So how did you score?

8-10 do indicate that they are the best. Keep up the good work.

4-7 Yes that’s fine. Brush in certain areas.

0-3 means you have work to do.

Here are four ways to be a better communicator and leader:

Talk less and listen more.

We want to be heard and listened to but we do not always concentrate on listening to others. We focus more on our agenda than on the other person’s thoughts, concerns, or problems.

Don’t assume that others are mind readers.

We want some kind of action or response from another person. However, we do not let them know what we really want or how to achieve it. Before assuming that the other knows what he wants, first inform and then ask for feedback. Take the time up front to get better mileage later.

Do not shoot the messenger.

We want to understand, but our ability to understand is tainted by our perceptions of the person speaking or the result we seek to achieve. Therefore, we often judge the speaker and ignore the message. Focus on the message, not the messenger.

Join forces.

We want the acceptance and agreement of others, so much so that we are often consumed with having to be right or prove our point. We pushed and pushed our agenda. Rather, stop, look and listen for areas of mutual agreement. Then work from there to co-create a greater result together.

The next time you’re involved in an important conversation, stop your mental and verbal recorder for a moment. Then start really listening. It is amazing what you will discover. Perhaps information that can lead to your leadership and business success.