The EXPERIMENT: On each child in the 3rd grade class, Ann, the teacher, attached a round construction paper nametag with the capital letters IALAC. IALAC is an acronym for “I Am Loving And Capable”. The children’s discussion of IALAC considered how typical daily things, activities and interactions could be better with that idea being remembered in times of need. The children enthusiastically agreed that they could do better if they came from an IALAC place of mind: They laughed at the images, “If I’m really ‘Loving’, I can be more patient when my dog ​​vomits…or when my little sister grab my things. If I’m really ‘Able’, I can master my multiplication tables even though they are hard for me.” The thrill of accessing a whole idea in one word that could really ease the stress of your days inspired even the most reluctant to give it a try. The best part was that IALAC did not need to be cleaned, brushed, packed or folded. Talk about Simple, Fun and Magical!

Parents were sent a note pledging to support the game that had only 2 rules:

1. The IALAC badge was to be worn at all times for one week.

2. Any time the child did not feel or behave Loving or Capable, the child was to tear off a small piece of the badge.

So, whenever a child became angry, frustrated, or lost control as a result of what that child perceived someone else had done or how something had happened, regardless of who was at fault or what inspired the feeling, action had to be taken. the plate. minor. A part of the removed insignia recalled a departure from IALAC. That was it.

The RESULT: When Ann and the class got ready for their weekly review, the badges told a powerful story. Here was this newly excited group of kids now wearing safety pins with tiny, sad, tattered remnants of their original IALAC badges. Each child was given the opportunity to share their personal stories of grief and justification for the mutilation of their once round and intact badge. The stories ranged from those who were so hard on themselves that they tore up their IALAC badges as a result of guilt and even self-contempt, to finger-pointers whose sad stories identified perceived abuse and shattered entitlement. “I was mean to mommy.” “My brother did it so I hit him and then I got in trouble… My sister wouldn’t stop. I got mad and started yelling… I had to go to bed too early and I started crying.” many stories some angel. Lots of frustration. Some tears. Many laughs. Given the legitimate license to complain, the children’s turns in sharing became a game of “Can you end this?”

With recounted stories of the tragedies that had befallen the innocent and guilty, and emotions released, Ann cleverly twisted the experience with a question for each child to answer: “Who broke your plate?”

The LESSON: Sure, some kids had someone reach out and snag a piece, but the only answer and their message was clear: “I did it.” No one does as good a job of destroying our self-image as we do. And the “we” is really “me”. I am the one who polishes or crumbles my own chosen sense of myself, my love and ability.

So aren’t we still those children with the same options for themselves in all cases? Isn’t it easy to agree? And are we diligently and consistently remembering, attentively protecting and automatically acting on this belief that I am responsible for my decisions and protect the power of IALAC? Are we clear that in all our actions, just like those of children, we have the same options ranging from ignoring our own responsibility to being too hard on ourselves as if we were somehow going to be perfect at everything the first time? There is no other soul out there who is as capable of damaging our self-image as we are, as I am.

The EVIDENCE: Think about the last 3-5 events where you were taken out of your higher self and mutilated by IALAC. They are easy to spot: watch your movements (acts) and emotions (feelings). Who or what was credited or blamed for the things you are guilty of?

• Did you celebrate your successes or attribute them outside of yourself?

• Did you blame someone else for the things that happened, the weather, the market, the product? Think more about the injustices that your belief tells you were done to you. If you combine these experiences, as the children were asked, with IALAC, can you see where their perception of events changes?

From credit to blame, it is likely that we have all, at times, forgotten to celebrate IALAC acts that we judge to be too small or undignified, and certainly we have all suffered real wrongs and injustices perpetrated against us. Even here, we remain responsible for the perspective we maintain. As my wife always reminds us, “it’s never what happens that matters, it’s how we see it that empowers or disempowers us.” Maybe when you look at your chart, you find your inner self yelling “Noooo!”, resisting and pointing elsewhere, “It was my dad… my mom, my boss, colleague, that evil coach, friend-enemy, teacher.” …or ‘Joe-Shmo’ who did it to me..” Really? Go ahead, he points his finger and notice that when the one goes off, three are pointing at you.

Years after the incident is over, or people have left, who is it that carries that voice of disapproval and discontent? It is the me. Who is really breaking the badge? Am. Who is really creating the ulcer? Hello or. It is our own inner voice that does the dirty damage. It is our chosen perception and internal repetition of the script that establishes the certainty, a BELIEF, of the meaning of the story. Whether that meaning is “I can’t catch a ball, I’m not a good speaker” when we deny ourselves credit, or “Johnny did it” when we absolve ourselves of blame, the repeated lies we tell ourselves gain certainty and shape. our next decisions.

POSSIBILITIES: Unlimited. Here lies our power.

Did any of those kids think the experiment was silly? Good luck.

And others got it in a way that increased their power and changed their lives forever? Very likely.

So here’s the litmus test: whether you think you were the kid who made it or who resisted… who’s got your back today? If he could show you a way to build your IALAC mechanism from where he is, would you be willing to “put on the badge”.

All it takes to continue old stories or replace scandal with new beliefs that serve you highest is this: a DECISION. Then that decision must be repeated as well as the old limitations. You’re already an expert at buying your own stories… so make the stories the way you want.

THE UNDERSTANDINGS:

• The world is impersonal, without attitude or intention.

• There is no more stress than the one we give to events or people.

• There is no more consolation than what we give to events or people.

• We have options. We can go kicking and screaming or go for joy to the same event.

• We choose our own image. We are neither victims nor beneficiaries except when we choose to view our world.

• The voice in our head (the one that may have asked “What voice?”) is our own even when we clothe it with memories and voices of others.

I am loving and capable LIFE SKILLS: Practice these positive skills consistently and you will increase your attractiveness. Remember: you learned your limitations through emotion and repetition. Use emotion and repetition to instill your limitless breadth, beauty, and brilliance.

1. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to say “I know.” What you think you know keeps you from what you are capable of learning. How much of what we know is linked to yesterday’s self-image? If you don’t get the answer you need, ask better questions. Asking questions in areas where you thought “I already know” changes everything.

2. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to jump to conclusions. When you’re not sure why, slow down. Breathe. Ask questions. Instead of coming up with “You’re wrong,” use “I’m confused about that” and calmly explain your reason. Being interested in the now. The people, the place, the feeling may seem similar to another time but it is a different time. Stay open to different outcomes.

3. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to push the button of anger or frustration. Take a breath and relax.

4. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to see the limitations of others. See others as capable. Encourage the best. Believe that others can. If they stretch and fall, they will be farther away than they would have been if they had not stretched.

5. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to dismiss your own achievements as small, inconsequential, or undeserved. We build on our successes. Acknowledging something “small” as of value on a daily basis creates 365 new power points each year. What if 5% of them make your life better? 6. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to dismiss courtesy and respect. Too tired for hello please thank you? Consciously create the world in which you place yourself. Your environment will reflect your behavior.

7. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to listen selectively or not listen at all. Pay attention and really focus on listening to others. What is really being said?

8. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to be defensive. Listen impartially… as if what is being said about you is being said about someone else. Do not attach. Notice if there is much, little or none of what is said to fit. Even if none, be willing to calmly say, “That’s interesting. It doesn’t feel right, but I’ll see if there’s something there for me.” If others are sincere and you disagree in this way, they will feel recognized. If they are not sincere, they will be surprised that you have not allowed your buttons to be pushed. 9. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to anticipate stress, misery, failure, traffic.

Replacing the anticipation of misery with openness and curiosity may not change the traffic, but it does change the damage to your body that the negative anticipation creates. Remember that the mind does not distinguish between what is real and what is imagined. Think anxiety and your body runs on stress.

10. Think of IALAC when your tendency has been to be so serious that you lose the pleasure. Have fun. This game of life is yours to act on. Embrace the moments.

11. Think about IALAC and decide that the decisions you make today will make a positive difference. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, lower your IALAC badge (your self-esteem). You are loving and capable… well, as soon as you choose them.

Yes, these are the same skills shared with children. Aren’t we, as adults, so in need of reinforcing the good things?