It is very good to determine well before courtship and marriage how you want your marriage to be. Your early preparation has a way of letting you know the qualities you want in your spouse. The closer a spouse is to their ideal, the less adjustment they would make after marriage and the less chance of friction in the relationship. If a man wants his home to be the cradle of comfort God designed it to be instead of the hotbed of violence that it has become in many marriages, there are certain attitudes he must adopt and certain attitudes he must abandon in order to make his relationship with his wonderful wife. The following are the strategies:
1. Be faithful to your marriage vow in which you promised to love, honor, care and protect your wife until death causes separation. Do things that reinforce your commitment to your wedding vows, such as always looking out for your wife’s good.
2. Take your wife as she is. Adults don’t change easily; the more you try to change your wife, the more frustrated you will become and the closer you will come to abuse each day. It has been said that before marriage, keep your eyes peeled to see if your fiancée is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; After the wedding knots are tied, keep your eyes half closed so that you do not see things that provoke aggression in you.
3. Have the attitude that you are designed to be a blessing to your wife. This way you will be more concerned with how you will be a blessing to her every day. Physical abuse is so destructive that it would not appear in your home when her concern is to make her wife happy.
4. Dispel in you any utilitarian concept of marriage. Don’t marry hoping that his wife will enable you to achieve those things that have eluded you in life so far; this will lead to frustration as she may not have the ability to do your wish.
5. Keep working on anger management in your life. If you have trouble managing anger, seek professional or better yet spiritual help to overcome it.
6. Improve your communication skills. Develop a communication pattern that is free from violence in both speech and action. Learn to appreciate your wife for who she is and for the added value she has brought to your life.
7. Think about the bad consequences of physical wife abuse, such as causing your spouse to accidentally die, so you could spend the rest of your life in jail. The effects of domestic violence on his children, such as loss of respect for his wife, the likelihood that his sons will follow in his footsteps, and that his daughters will develop a loathing of marriage. These are sufficient reasons to determine that a man does not physically abuse his wife.
8. Acquire conflict resolution and problem solving skills. These will teach you how to disagree on issues without becoming violent; he will also learn to respect and accept his wife’s opinions without losing face. If his wife is meant to complement him, it follows that there are times when he may not share the same views on issues.
9. Have shared interests. Develop some common interest with his wife, such as writing books or a business venture. The fact that you are doing things together has a way of bringing you closer and making you more dependent on each other.
10. Add value or invest in your wife. If your wife has the ambition to continue her education after marriage or improve her skills in any trade, give her all the necessary support. She will not only be in your debt, but she will honor you for her contribution to her life.
11. Change your environment if necessary. If you are unhappy at your workplace, you may need to change jobs because your unhappiness could translate into violence at home. If there are extended family members that fan the embers of aggression in you, cut ties with them and stay with your wife.
12. Allow the Gospel of Jesus Christ to come into your life and bring about a change in you. The Gospel will bring purpose and clarity of vision to your life that will allow you to handle your personal problems without resorting to violence.
13. Learn relaxation techniques like deep breathing, listening to cool music, and meditating on God’s word when under stress.
14. Avoid the company of men who physically abuse their wives. Bad companies corrupt good customs; rather seek the company of happily married men from whom you would learn good values in the marital relationship.
15. Learn to use humor and laugh at yourself sometimes. When you take life too seriously, he might laugh at you. Learn to live with those things you can’t change while doing your best to handle problems within your ability.
