It is clear that safe and affectionate physical contact is as important to our health as food, air or water. It has been widely shown that newborns deprived of loving touch can die, even if their other physical needs are met. Unfortunately, in our culture, physical contact, particularly in the form of hugs, is often considered unsafe. In particular, men are discouraged from hugging each other so it doesn’t look “homosexual.” (As if there’s anything wrong with being gay. There isn’t.) Men and boys can be ridiculed, hurt, or even killed just for being loving and caring people. For me, this is heartbreaking.

Hugs are a healthy and genuine way to express affection, friendship and love. It should never be wrong to hug a friend of either sex, or your child, brother, sister, father or mother. I have been to dozens of Challenge Days and other workshops where healthy and safe hugs are taught. I’m surprised we have to teach hugging in the first place. But since there’s so much unsafe touching in our culture, someone has to model safe touching, so we do it.

Challenge Day teaches that we need three hugs a day just to get by, and that with six hugs a day we’re doing pretty well, and that 12 hugs a day helps us really thrive. Many studies confirm it. Our bodies respond immediately to loving touch. Our heart rate drops, along with our blood pressure. Our breathing slows down, our muscles relax, and our immune system recovers. Anyone who has spent a lot of time cuddling knows exactly what I’m talking about.

You’d think he would have hugged me, and somehow, he does. Many who know me consider me to be a world class hugger. I love hugs, both giving and receiving. Just over a month ago, after our most recent Challenge Days here in Ukiah, my loving wife and life partner JoAnn suggested that we start counting how many hugs we give each other every day and make a concerted effort to get at least 12

What soon became apparent was that even though JoAnn retired from teaching in June and we live, work and play together 24/7, 12 hugs a day was way more than that we had received. We found that we often unwittingly got by on no more than three hugs a day (if that). JoAnn and I have been together for over 11 years. We love each other. We are happier together than we have ever been in our lives. And yet, these last few weeks of giving 12 hugs a day have been amazing! We deserve more! And you too.

Try this: Be fully present with someone you trust (perhaps taking a deep breath or three), ask for a hug, and then melt into them with another deep breath. Go ahead and try it right now. Find someone to hug. If you’re alone, take a deep breath, relax and imagine getting a wonderful hug from someone whose hugs you really love, and make a mental note to get a hug as soon as you can. I guarantee you that one of the surest ways to get drunk with amazement is to get 12 hugs a day. I dare you!