Sometimes I hear from wives who have a hard time keeping quiet about their husband’s affair. This can be true even when the adventure is long over and a good amount of time has passed. Many times wives really want to move on but just can’t seem to and one way this shows up is when they constantly make sarcastic comments about their husband and her affair.

I recently heard from a wife who said, “My husband’s affair ended over a year ago. I should have processed it more than I have so far. We’re trying to save our marriage and move on. I’m really committed to doing that.” , but I don’t always act like that. I always find myself making mean, sarcastic, sarcastic comments to my husband about his affair. For example, if he calls to tell me he’s been caught at work, I say something like “sure you are.” How do I even know that’s true? Or, if he looks at another woman, I’ll say ‘is she your next fling?’ One last example is that if my husband compliments me in any way, I’ll say something like ‘yeah sure, I bet that’s what you were thinking of me when you slept with someone else’ I know these comments are unnecessary and only make things worse. things, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

Boy, I understand this problem. And it’s nothing unusual. I’d say there’s a rare wife who doesn’t make at least a few sarcastic remarks or bring it up from time to time. You can’t be expected to never worry or mention it again. But, when it becomes almost obsessive or you feel like it’s really causing problems or making the situation worse, then it’s time to address it, which I’ll try to help you do next.

Ask yourself if you are still commenting because of unresolved issues: Often when you find yourself unable to make those little sarcastic comments, it’s not because you’re an evil person or because you’ll never heal or get over this. Instead, these comments may come because you have questions or concerns about topics that keep coming up. Still don’t trust your husband? Are you still worried that he is not remorseful or remorseful enough? Is it a concern that he will cheat again? Are you worried that he is telling little white lies that will lead to bigger lies, like more infidelity?

Because very often, your comments are a way of trying to get a reaction or response from your husband. And many times, you hope that this answer will guide you towards the change that you have been wishing for but have not yet seen.

What to do if you want to stop constantly commenting on the matter: As I mentioned before, ask yourself if your comments are the result of unresolved issues, and then try to resolve those issues. If you can do this, the comments may stop, or at least slow down.

However, they are still a problem. Then try these strategies to get some relief. Pause each time a comment comes to mind, and then stop for a second and ask yourself what you really mean. For example, a comment like “Sure, you think I’m pretty. Is that why you cheated on me?” it could be a front for concerns like: is he still attracted and engaged with me? Can I trust you to tell me the truth?

You may want to find a time when you can freely say what you really want to ask. That way, those comments that are really meant to ask or express something else won’t need to come out as much. If all else fails, train yourself to pause, count to 10, or change the subject when you’re tempted to comment. Then ask yourself if you could ask the question you really want to ask or if your comment was really meant to vent or serve some purpose.

Please do not get me wrong. I understand the temptation and even the need to make these comments. And I know how it feels to not be able to stop or control them. But I also know that they don’t really serve any purpose, other than to maintain the pain and frustration. I also know that you can learn different behaviors that are more productive for you and your marriage.