I often have women tell me that they can’t help but notice some very troublesome personality changes in their husband after he cheated on them or had an affair. Sometimes the wife is not the only one noticing these changes. Often times, the children involved or other family members can’t help but notice as well. Sometimes even the husband’s boss or coworkers will mention that they noticed a difference.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part, “My husband is so cold to our entire family and social circle after his affair. I was hoping and hoping that he would fall in love with himself trying to get this right because that’s just him. The kind of person he has always been. My husband has always coached my children’s sports teams. We have always been the house where the whole neighborhood hangs out. I don’t brag when I say that most people think highly of my husband. Before he had an affair, he was so loving, generous, fun-loving and outgoing. Now, he’s distant, distant and cold. He doesn’t even look like the same person.
He no longer plays with the children in the yard. He no longer seems willing to help out at work. I can’t tell you how many people have approached me about the changes they have noticed in it. One of my sons had an assembly at school that was very important to him. My husband didn’t even show up. My son was crushed. I have no idea what to make of this. Maybe I could eventually accept this if it was only affecting me, but it isn’t. He is being cold and indifferent to everyone in his life. How can I make it realize what it is doing and stop it? It’s like he’s distancing himself from everyone who was ever important to him. “
This situation was so unfortunate. And it rises to a whole different level when kids are involved. I strongly suggested that the wife in this situation seek some advice for her family. In the following article, I’ll discuss why you might see your husband acting very cold after getting caught up in an affair and how you might consider handling it until you can get career guidance.
Sometimes a husband behaves coldly after his affair because he is trying to distance himself from the fall. You may also have gotten used to suppressing your emotions: Sometimes you will see a man shutting himself in when his whole world collapses around him. (Of course, in this situation there was no way to know what the husband’s feelings and motivations were without listening to the man himself), but I hear from a good number of men on my blog and can get a bit of information. knowledge of your thinking and your motivations.
Many times, they are closed after the adventure leaves due to a combination of embarrassment, embarrassment, and uncertainty. Sometimes they are quite sorry and ashamed. As a result, they feel that they do not deserve their family or acquaintances, so they will regress as a result. Sometimes they actually think their family doesn’t love them or that they would be better off without them.
Other times, these husbands have some uncertainty about the future. They are not sure of the future of their family, so they begin to think that it would be better for everyone if they stayed a while behind. Sometimes they are not sure how everyone feels about them, so they think they better not push.
Sometimes these men become emotionally estranged because they just aren’t sure where their heart is. I’ve had men tell me that they weren’t sure if they were going to get back to their wives and family, so they pause while they make a decision. They don’t want to deal with all the questions or accusations, so emotional distance is a way of trying to reach a physical distance.
And here is one more point you may want to consider. Often when a man is having an affair, he is having some emotional struggles. Often his attempts to deal with these emotions include trying to reject them or deny their existence (which is why he often makes poor decisions like cheating instead of dealing with his problems and emotions). Feelings can almost become a habit. . So in a sense these men start to get cold to themselves and this eventually turns into behavior that spreads until it affects other people.
Also, because this husband’s behavior was so strange and out of place for him, it was not ruled out that he had some mental health issues or challenges that could and should be addressed by a professional.
How to handle a husband’s cold demeanor after his affair: Hopefully now you can get an idea why your husband may be acting this way. Now let’s discuss what to do about it. Needless to say, this wife was very tempted to call him out for his behavior. And it was also very tempting for her to act bluntly that wasn’t typical of her just to get a reaction. It had been so distant and elusive that she felt she would have to do everything she could just for him to hear her. As understandable as this was, I felt like it was the wrong decision. With the way the husband had been acting, calling out for his behavior was unlikely to have a good result.
Instead, my most immediate concern was the children. I strongly felt that family counseling should take place as soon as possible. In the meantime, however, I suggested to the wife that she lay the groundwork. You could reach out to your husband and address that immediate concern. She might consider a conversation like, “You missed our son’s assembly the other day and he was incredibly hurt and disappointed. I don’t want what is happening in our marriage to affect our children. These are two separate issues and the children are the more important of the two. Our children did nothing wrong and they don’t deserve to lose their father’s involvement over this. Can we discuss ways that you could get more involved with them? Our problems to negatively affect them. “
In this way, you are laying the foundation for future progress and focusing your attention on what is most important – the children. She is also letting her husband know that she has no intention of banishing him from the family because of his affair. This can help you lower your guard a bit. But this really is just the beginning. And I was hoping the wife would follow up on this issue as needed.
