It has been a little over a month since my daughter died in a car accident. Every day has been a day of tears, some expressed, others silent. My 15-year-old twin grandchildren are so overwhelmed with grief that they are almost paralyzed. They both look for reminders of their mother, things they can hold onto, and my husband and I have given them things.
The twins want to hear stories about their mother. But it is the values that their mother instilled in them, values passed down from one generation to the next, that will help them the most. So I wrote a list of their mother’s values for them. The title is “Some of the values your mother gave you” because other values will become clear over time. Values are something that children can hold onto, in fact, they are a recipe for life.
THE FAMILY IS IMPORTANT. Your mother found love and support in her family. She wanted you to have this too, that’s why we had dinner with Pampa when you came and why she took you to see him when he was dying.
GET AN EDUCATION. Read your mother’s resume and you will see that she was always learning. She knew that more knowledge would lead to better jobs and a better life.
WORK HARD. Your mother worked hard for you. So he got up at dawn and drove two hours to work and two hours home. She wanted you to live in the house she chose for you and to attend the high school you wanted to attend.
BE A SPIRITUAL AND CARING PERSON. Your mother believed that kindness leads to more kindness, so she was a Girl Scout leader, a church volunteer, and gave back to the community in other ways.
SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE. There were times in life when your mother didn’t have much, but she always shared what she had: extra children’s clothing, appliances, food (Christmas cookies and apple pie), and plants. Sharing made your mother feel good inside.
BE HONEST AND ETHICAL. When his mother worked for a company, a disgruntled worker threatened to cut corners in production because his mother, a woman, was his boss. His threat was not only unethical, it was insecure, and his mother told him that if he left a lock aside, she would shut down production.
LAUGH EVERY DAY. Thanks to “The Big Book” and the way she lived her life, her mother found laughter in life. Laughter filled her with energy and delighted those around her. Your mother would want you to laugh every day and enjoy the life you have.
Copyright 2007 by Harriet Hodgson
