Sometimes I hear from wives who are trying to process their husband’s weird or silly excuses regarding his infidelity or having an affair. One of those excuses is that the other woman meant nothing or was just a distraction or a way to pass the time. I heard from a wife who said, “My husband cheated on me with a woman who was training him in martial arts. He told me about it and agreed to start going to another studio. But even though it’s over, I can’t get it out of my mind and I can’t let go. Our marriage is not the same. I’ve even considered asking my husband to move out. When I share this with him, he becomes borderline frustrated and angry. He says this other woman meant nothing to him at all. and it was just a distraction to make him feel better about himself. He says the main reason he took up martial arts in the first place was because of aging and low self-esteem. Supposedly, the other woman was meant to address the issue of self esteem or at least divert her attention from him. I think he thinks this statement will make me feel better, but I’m not sure it will. Whether she was a distraction or not, she still fooled me. I don’t think there is no good reason to cheat. And I’m not even sure what these words of his are supposed to mean to me. What do these statements mean? And how do I respond to them?” I will try to address these concerns in the next article.
Her claims that the other woman is a distraction are meant to reassure her that there was no emotional connection: Often when men insist that the affair meant nothing or that the other woman was just a way to make him feel better, what they’re really trying to say is that he didn’t have an emotional connection to her. This is meant to reassure you that the relationship is completely over and that he doesn’t miss or miss her. Whether you buy these claims or not is up to you. But men often know intuitively that women are particularly concerned about infidelity that has an emotional component. Many wives will tell him that they would rather her husband have a one-night stand than he thinks he has found a soul mate in a woman who is not his wife. So understand that he’s probably trying to reassure you that there wasn’t a lasting emotional connection that you now have to keep worrying about.
Why just because it’s a distraction doesn’t mean rehab isn’t needed: I realize that sometimes husbands in this situation expect their reassurances to be all you need. This is pretty naive and myopic of you, but this is often how your thought process works. They hope that if they can make you believe that if this relationship is over and it never meant anything anyway, then you can just pick up the pieces and move on. It would be nice if things were that easy, but often they aren’t. Even if you think he’s telling the truth, what happens the next time he’s suffering from low self esteem and needs a distraction? Will he cheat again? You may do it if you never learn new ways to deal with stress or don’t put in place safeguards to prevent it from happening.
It is my opinion and experience that you will not feel secure in your marriage unless you believe that he is rehabilitated. He may well be telling the truth when he says she was just a diversion, but this really isn’t a valid excuse for cheating. And if his marriage is to survive or even thrive, he’ll need to know that any problems he may have are fully addressed so that he doesn’t have to worry about him cheating on you again the next time he’s emotionally troubled or feeling down. stressed.
So, to answer the questions posed, she may be telling you the truth about her being a distraction, but even if she is, this isn’t a valid excuse. And even if this is your reality, you will still need to do the work necessary to rehabilitate your marriage if you want the peace of mind that this will not happen again or if you want to rebuild your marriage and mitigate the damage it has caused. has done.
