To the uninitiated, BDSM (which stands for Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism) can seem like a quirky, perverted, and misguided view of life and love. In fact, many may mistakenly believe that it is a lifestyle choice for people with a bad reputation or for those who enjoy abusing others (or who enjoy being abused). This couldn’t be further from the truth, and it is an unfortunate point of view fostered by fear and ignorance.
By narrowing it down, BDSM comes in two forms: the variety for lifestyle lovers and those who prefer the kinky or fetish look. What does this mean? In the BDSM lifestyle, two people agree to bring the Dominant / Submissive (D / s) dynamic into their relationship permanently. Sexual pleasure enters him at times, but it is not the main focus of BDSM lived as a lifestyle. On the contrary, the BDSM fetish only brings it to light at certain times and specifically for the sexual gratification of both parties.
Neither is more important or more valued than the other. Both ways have pros and cons to consider, and simply put, one may not be for you. Despite what some may think, choice is a big part of this. There is no abuse, subjugation, nothing that happens without the permission given voluntarily by both parties. In fact, there are more than a few people who ‘evolve’ in their preferences, going from using BDSM in the bedroom to experiencing it 24/7.
BDSM practitioners are no more amoral or evil than anyone else, and the idea that people who prefer it were mistreated or abused in some way as children is unfounded. It is possible, just as it is possible for a blind man to be a doctor, for a deaf person to play music, or for men to sew a dress or for women to fire a gun, but emotional health and happiness are two of the factors. most important things in a thriving BDSM relationship. While it is true that what the Dom / me says counts, and it is the submissive’s place to please the Dom / me in all things, choice and trust are of the utmost importance. If the Submissive does not trust the Dom / me to take care of them, protect them and act in their best interests, or if the Dom / me simply sees their position as one where they can exercise their will on the submissive without consideration. for the Submissive’s wants or needs, then the relationship is doomed.
That said, a D / s relationship, like other “different” relationships, must be kept silent. Ordinary people are afraid of the unknown. This can manifest itself in ostracism, contempt, hatred, and even violence. Livers from alternative lifestyles have endured this for years, as have those in the LGBT community. It may be that keeping it a secret intensifies the excitement, especially for those who live it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Right out in the open, living and breathing, while no one else notices. Then there are others, who just don’t care what mainstream society thinks, and are very open about their lifestyle choices.
Politics, social mores, and a general lack of acceptance (especially in the United States) tend to keep D / s practitioners “in the closet.” Sexual experimentation goes a long way in helping a would-be sub or Dom / me figure out what feels good, what works for them, and what they want from a relationship, but with a large chunk of society trying to squash what it seems like. wicked. ‘Is it any wonder that some people have trouble sharing their emotions, needs, and wants with a potential partner? They spend so much time suppressing it because everyone around them says that these internal things are ‘wrong’, that sadly, sometimes they believe it. But with a firm yet loving hand, a skilled Dom / me can work to pull the shy sub out of his shell and thrive.
