stuff

I have stuff. I love my stuff. I admit to accumulating things.

OK. A moment of reality. I’m pretty sure one day I’m going to die. And you probably will too. No, not now. Eventually. So there will be things in my apartment, and most likely the cats will not solve them. I think about this from time to time.

When I had my hip replaced a few years ago, I spent a little time reflecting on my life (I couldn’t do much else for a week or two) and realized that I probably wasn’t interested in putting up a Christmas tree anymore and that everything the top shelf of a closet was given over to Christmas tree ornaments and holiday decorations. Hmm. When my cousin, who had two small children, came to visit me, I offered her everything she wanted from this collection, with a few exceptions. We spent a wonderful afternoon telling each other stories about the decorations, especially the ones she had bought with her mother. She went home with two huge bins of decorations and I gained a whole shelf in my closet. We were both very happy.

By contrast, another cousin and I weren’t so happy about emptying out her parents’ house. They weren’t exactly hoarders, but they kept a lot of things. Like back issues of magazines. And clothes. We were heartbroken to discover that vintage clothing and other potentially salable items had been destroyed by an oil leak. And not too excited to throw away years of food and craft magazines along with a few projects her dad never got to complete: a rusty Datsun on the lawn and a partially restored organ. Similarly, a friend spent a month cleaning her sister’s apartment.

So what does this mean to me?

George Carlin said something about your stuff being someone else’s trash (he cleaned it up a bit). No, his kids probably don’t want his favorite Hitchcock chairs or family silverware or even his favorite china figurines. It’s just not his taste. Ask. Confirm. Get over.

Planning and disposal: a short list

1. Make a will and a plan. Please. Even if you think you don’t need one. And appoint an executor. It is impossible to sell your car or manage bank accounts without an executor. Yes, you’re going to live to be 110, but you’ll be too busy tangoing to want to be bothered with these things. Make a plan now. Here are some ideas to get started.

2. Give away the things you don’t use now. I had my great-grandmother’s gold watch. It was beautiful. I used it maybe a half dozen times over twenty years ago. I gave it to a cousin who may never wear it either, but she will appreciate it and pass it on to her daughter. I gave my grandmother’s diamond ring to a niece and she turned it into a beautiful pendant. I also gave her some old coral beads because she likes chunky necklaces.

3. Ask people what they might want from the things you’re willing to pass on. Send photos before sending things. That saved me the trouble of sending my niece beautiful china plates she didn’t like or charging my cousin a brass towel rack. It also gave me the satisfaction of seeing my great-aunt’s inkwell every time I visit my cousin. Or knowing that another cousin has the family bible. I was also able to sell some gold jewelry that I didn’t love without regret.

4. Get rid of as much paper as possible. No one wants those articles you so painstakingly photocopied in college. Or past jobs, course outlines, work-related materials that are out of date. Or newspapers. Everything in those old recipe magazines you’ll actually cook can be found online or scanned into a file. This does NOT mean throwing away old cards or treasured cards. Store them neatly.

5. Transfer everything you can to the Cloud. Set these files as private. This makes it easy to share photos with the whole family but not with everyone. Convert your old tapes to DVD.

6. Give away, donate, sell, or throw away lots of old books. I recently got rid of four shopping carts full of books. Some I gave away to senior centers and shelters. Most neither the thrift stores nor the library wanted. All my research books and training books of thirty years went to waste.

7. Label things. Never, ever, ever use permanent markers if you expect things to have resale value. Instead, get a pack or two of those round stickers and place them under or on the back of items. You can enjoy your possessions now and someday someone will thank you for making it clear what goes to someone and what gets thrown away.

8. I love this option if you have a close family member. It was the plot of a book I read decades ago. Leave instructions for everyone to go to your house (if you’d be so kind, set up a small snack) and have everyone give the points I mentioned above. Each person can put their own color on the items they want. If more than one person wants something, they fix it. In the book, they told stories about their memories related to the object. No fights, lots of togetherness.

When?

This is a good thing to do when you’re bored. But it’s raining. Gold snowing. Work on this little by little. You’ll be glad you don’t have to think about him when you’re having fun. And your family and friends will be delighted.