It is very difficult to comfort someone who is depressed. Criticism won’t help, but a listening heart will. Feeling what someone else is going through is already a comfort. Understanding and empathy is better than a pound of lectures for a mistake. Blaming won’t help either. However, it’s easier to find fault with other people, but it’s different when your compassion is what they need.
Acknowledge that you understand the person’s feelings. Sometimes people want to seek advice or a solution to their problem. But as it turns out, they usually want to vent their feelings. This is especially true for women. So just listen. Let the other person speak, so that she herself can sort out her feelings; they may not even be able to articulate why they feel depressed, unless they are drawn.
Never minimize their pain or try to cheer them up. When faced with tears, we sometimes insist that whatever is bothering them is no big deal. Don’t trivialize their experience, but walk with them. Put yourself in their shoes so you can easily understand what they’ve been through. The words may not be so trivial, but how you respond to a situation is important.
Sometimes people don’t want to talk and just want to be kept quiet. They also want to feel that they are not alone. So, your presence is already enough to comfort them. Even if you don’t offer words of comfort, the mere fact that you stay with them is already a relief.
In such a circumstance, the person usually feels better after having shared the load on his heart and the pain eventually fades. Having someone who is willing to listen and never judge you despite your flaws is a gift. How the hell do I survive the struggle of life if I don’t have a friend to lean on, especially when I’m so down and depressed?
Money is nothing compared to a friend who can help you without extending you any monetary budget. If a problem is still not resolved, she can offer a solution to improve the situation without pressuring you to do so. She always listens. Even if she also has her own problems.
With someone who is sad not because of an isolated event, but because they suffer disappointments, just talk to them and listen to them. Excessive rumination is not only ineffective at alleviating depressive feelings, it can also make them worse.
