Sometimes I hear of faithful wives who are worried about their husband’s feelings after he has finished his affair. Many worry that even though her husband seems committed to the marriage, he will miss out on the drama and excitement that the affair generated. They worry that her marriage seems boring by comparison.
A wife might say, “My husband and I have been doing pretty well since your affair. I’m pleasantly surprised that you’ve been so cooperative with everything I’ve asked. You come home from work. You don’t leave.” never go out again And he has not complained about this. But I’m worried that he’ll see that staying at home is boring. I know my husband spent a lot of money on the other woman. They went out and did things all the time. My husband and I have dinner together and take care of our children. So I’m worried he’s missing out on the thrill of the adventure. I’ve always thought we had a pretty good sex life. But the sex after you. I’ve been married for years, probably can’t compete with forbidden sex. Am I right in thinking that men tend to lose their excitement when the affair is over?
I guess some men could. But others are actually relieved to let it go because it was stressful living with those kinds of secrets and lies. I am not a man who has had an affair, but I have talked (and heard) with many of them. Okay, because of my articles, you’ll probably hear more from those who want to save their marriages. But frankly, many of them live in a kind of fantasy world during the adventure. They keep the matter and their marriage separate in their minds as much as possible. However, once the affair is discovered, this deception and cover-up cannot continue. And that is when the husband must really see the reality of what he is doing. Usually, only then can the seriousness of his actions no longer be denied.
putting this in perspective: Many men in this situation are very afraid of losing their wife and family. Suddenly they see the matter for what it was, nothing more than pretending. And what’s worse, now they have put their family at risk. Once a husband has dealt with the loss of his wife and his warm and comfortable family, he can actually begin to put both of them on a pedestal, which may be why he views it so cooperative to stay at home.
That’s not to say there aren’t some men who really want to save their marriage, but they’re also almost addicted to adventure and the other woman. So even though they tell their wife the affair is over and they believe her words are sincere, this doesn’t stop them from continuing to communicate with the other person because they can’t seem to let the whole thing go.
But that is not true for all men. Since statistics show us that most couples stay together after an affair, my observation is that most men love their wife and their marriage. Many are happy to participate in their family rituals again because they were afraid that they would no longer be welcome to do so. Because of this, many are genuinely happy (and comforted) with their nights eating together and spending time with their children.
easing your mind: Of course, any marriage can benefit from spicing things up if you think it might help. After my husband’s adventure, my husband and I decided to get out of our comfort zones. We traveled more. We spiced up our date nights by agreeing that we would try something new every week. We found common hobbies that we could pursue together. These things were very beneficial because it seemed like we were discovering something new during our recovery and it was fun for both of us.
However, there was no getting around the fact that we were parents with children. Our family came first. We couldn’t pretend we were newlyweds with no responsibilities, though we did make an effort to keep things fresh. Ultimately, neither of us was bored or felt our lives lacked excitement. After everything we’d been through, spending quiet nights with our family at our house felt like a privilege because there were times when neither of us was sure our marriage (or family) was going to stay intact.
So, to answer the original question, sure, there are some men who miss the excitement of the matter. But in my observation, most men are relieved to be back in the life of their family. They realize their mistake and realize that there is a sweetness and comfort in their family and marital history, in which they take comfort. When something you value is put at risk by your mistake, you’re often so happy to have it that you don’t find it boring. You’re glad it’s yours. However, if emotion is something that worries you, there is nothing wrong with trying to spice things up so that neither of you is bored or lacking in excitement.
