I hear too much news. I feel like if I don’t, I’ll miss the Second Coming, the spreading Tsunami, the coming meteor, the melting water from the glaciers, a solar flare that could fry me, an alien invasion, or the next terrorist attack that was promised for the past four years. Because I don’t want to miss these things, I listen to too much news.
Because I hear too much news, I know too much about beheadings and bullet-riddled bodies. I know too much about car bombs and body parts lying around. A few days ago they found a few dozen heads in boxes in Iraq. This is no way to get ahead in war. I wish I didn’t know about that, but I do. He makes me wonder where the others went. I only know these things because I watch and listen to too much news.
I know too many damn opinions about too many things. I used to listen to Limbaugh, but I don’t think he sometimes believes himself and O’Reilly is too angry and smart and repressed for my liking, but I know about these guys, because I hear too much news. . I heard a few things… on the news about their personal lives, and it was great to know that they’re not as fair as they want me to believe. I heard about it on the news. I listen too much, you know? I listen to Air America. Now that’s quite a news group if ever there was one. I like them. They scare the hell out of me, but I like them. They say everything about the government and this administration that all the other news I read about them makes me think. They make me feel like the thoughts I have about all the other news I read are at least normal. At least I don’t feel so alone in my reaction to all the news I read too much.
I know too much about politicians, especially Republicans who love Jesus so much, some of them seem to love making war more and more so he can come back or something. They also make love, but it seems that they often get caught doing it with the wrong people and even the wrong sex. Wow, but honestly, I read about it on the news. I read Mrs. Bush moved out of the White House recently because Mr. President was joking with…well, others. Wow, that’s great news. I didn’t see it on Fox or AOL though, so maybe it’s not news, or maybe it is, but it’s not news to the masses, who knows? Some news tells me that I won’t see this news on the news because they won’t make it news, so I guess we lose. Wow, the news even tells me that this president might not even be the real president and a lot of people got their vote turned down, OK, Democrat voters did. That would be depressing, but it seems true to me. I heard it’s true, from the news, twice!
Because of the news, I know too much about CEOs who take too much from others to get rich. I mean A LOT of them do. The news tells me how much congressmen and representatives take from the public, but CEOs are getting pretty good at it, too. I see it on the news. Million-dollar birthday parties, retirements that make God jealous since he doesn’t now own all the cattle on a thousand hills after all. That former CEO does! Or at least he can. They are all smiling chimpanzees, because they always seem to regret it AFTER they get caught, and they are very surprised because they are soooo innocent, but I bet if no one notices, they won’t have a bit of regret and will take a bit more. But then, at least later, we would have more news. I read on the news that Enron just didn’t give away the power they said they didn’t have, instead he did and got a lot of money from older people in California who were trying to keep warm or cool…can’t remember which. He made me a little crazy. Those guys went to jail, but I hope we don’t read on the news that his best friend, Mr. President, pardons them or something when he walks out the door. I read on the news that he can do that. It worries me because I also read that when the President left Texas as Governor and they asked him who would clean up after all the damage he did, he said it wasn’t his problem. I hope I don’t read that he said that again when he leaves office this time. I bet he does. I once read in the news that people don’t change much in their lives and what they were they remain for the most part.
Why do I do this to myself… you know, read and listen to all the news and opinions on the news and the people in the news who make the news and wish the news never found them? How many heads in boxes do I really want to know about humans or crushed in earthquakes? I have to say I’m worried that if I don’t keep up with the news, I’m going to miss out on the really important one, whatever it is. I tried once not to watch or listen to the news or the opinions that the big ones have about it, but it didn’t work. I got nervous not knowing what I was missing. I once read on the news that they want us to be nervous about the news because fear is a good factor to control us and change all the rules so that we don’t have the same freedoms that we had before they scared us. My God, I can’t win with this news! Now I even read news about why the news is the way it is!
I once read that what I thought was news was actually not. It was more like a government announcement that was made to look like news. But they got caught. I saw it in the news.
Well, I guess it’s news, news, news, until we throw up or at least until Jesus comes back and shuts down the printing presses and makes us go to the church of someone else’s choice so we can be happy. I read where we would have to go by biblical rules and stone our rebellious children and women who were naughty and had titles for God’s chosen leaders. It would be like Jesus Land, but for our own good and gay people and fornicators, but not the warmongers, (what is a smuggler?) they would be killed and we would only get to see things like Oklahoma and Nemo meets Noah… and and and … oh never mind, I read about the rapture on the news and I hope that at least it gets these people out of here so we can fix the things that they broke. I’m freaking out again with things I read on the news. I’m breathing hard again… I have to go for a walk. My God, I hope that if some terrorist blows me up or gasses me while I’m walking, they at least say my name right. I read on the news where two accident victims were mixed up…doh…see what I mean!
